100 Things

1. I have a bobble-head turtle on my desk at work and sometimes I ask it what to do. Sometimes I listen to it. It’s one of the things I kept from my great-grandma’s apartment after she died.

2. Keep the raw onions away from me. I will lose my entire appetite. Don’t put them on the bun and expect me to pick the off – I will send it back because the onion taste and smell have contaminated my sandwich.

3. If you give me a bag or a box of those Entemann’s chocolate mini-donuts, I will eat the whole thing. Probably in one sitting.

4. I have a B.S. in English Literature from Washington University in St. Louis.

5. I am working on an M.S. in Project Management at the University of Wisconsin (online). Grad school. Yuck.

6. I have a Jeep Wrangler and I wave to other people in Jeep Wranglers.

7. I though briefly about trading it because of the exorbitant gas prices, but I drove off the Toyota lot with weepy eyes and concluded that I’d go into the poorhouse first.

8. I think I drink too much. I swear off booze pretty much every Sunday morning.

9. I fall off the wagon most Fridays. Sometimes Thursdays. Or Wednesdays.

10. I don’t know why I even bother trying.

11. I was engaged to get married when I was 22, and broke it off 3 months before the wedding.

12. Since then, I have had horrible luck with men. This could also be related to #8 and #9.

13. This surprises me because I think I am generally a nice girlfriend. I have confirmation from several independent sources.

14. I wonder if I should call my ex-fiancé sometimes. I wonder if he’s single. My ex-fiance is obviously over me to the point that he won’t call me back. I’m done what-iffing that one now.

15. God, did I have a gorgeous engagement ring.

16. I think I just have terrible taste in men, though. My “type” is the sort of guy who has been a bad boy, who now says he wants a serious girlfriend, and then decides to revert to bachelordom after approximately 8 months of making me love him. This has now happened 3 times.

17. I play the piano and used to be quite good.

18. I was on Facebook and totally got into it for about 2 weeks, until I realized that all my high school “friends” on there were never actually my friends in high school, so I decided to ignore them as they had ignored me for the 4 years of high school and all those that followed.

19. I collected “Gone with the Wind” memorabilia for many years.

20. I have a gray and white kitty that is named Tiffany, after the jewelry store. She sports a “Please Return to Tiffany” tag on her collar. I took it off the keychain, given to me by an ex.

21. I actually once had a dining room painted Tiffany blue with one of those color-match things at Lowe’s.

22. I love home improvement stores.

23. I love home improvement projects and the buzz that comes from doing it myself. Especially if it is accomplished in conjunction with #8.

24. I have a pink hard hat and a pink tool belt and I love them. I wear the hard hat a lot because things tend to fall on me.

25. When I read a good line out of a book, I jot it down in my little moleskine tablet to see if I can incorporate it into some writing or clever banter later.

26. I have my fiction books alphabetized by author in my study. Nonfiction is sorted by category and then by author.

27. I have anxiety attacks occasionally.

28. I can eat pretty much whatever I want and not get fat, and people hate me for this. My weight fluctuates up and down, 5lbs each way. I have 2 different sets of pants.

29. I am a sucker for premium denim because my butt is my only womanly curve and I’ve got to work it at all costs.

30. It does make my skinny top look a little unbalanced.

31. I think that people are under the impression that I’m smarter than I actually am.

32. I read Playboy magazine for the articles. Seriously.

33. I used to eschew reality television, but since then I have become a big fan of “The Girls Next Door.”

34. And I LOVE watching “Trick My Truck” on CMT.

35. The bulk of the music on my iPod is country.

36. If you don’t like country music, you might not like riding in my car.

37. But if you are a good boyfriend, I may give you a radio button.

38. I make iPod mixes for every occasion.

39. I hate writing anything on cards except my signature.

40. I still have a soft spot for the ex-boyfriend who hurt me most, and something tells me this is still dangerous. but I’m not nearly as susceptible to his charms as I used to be. Maybe time heals – maybe time just callouses.

41. I don’t want to live here anymore. I want to sell everything and take the cat and move to a new city and start over.

42. I like Denver and Houston. See #66, #67, and #68.

43. But I am a big chicken about most things. See #11 and #14.

44. I always stop at Big Lots and the Dollar Store before I go to Target.

45. I tutor high-school English and am secretly afraid that I am bad at it.

46. I actually got to date my first crush (after 12 years of crush-dom). It’s never as good as you think it will be for all those years.

47. I don’t have many friends. Especially girl friends. I have, like, 3. And 33% of those are married with baby (but will occasionally party with me). Another 33% are married and have become all domestic and boring. The remaining 33% aren’t big partiers.

48. But that’s mostly okay, because I like doing some things by myself. Shopping, zoo, art museum… I can go at my own pace.

49. Although it is kind of sad to not have anyone to go to bars and clubs with anymore.

50. So I drink beer at home and watch “The Tudors” on On-Demand.

51. I got my first marriage proposal at 16, my second one at 20. And an “I want to marry you,” which is not really a proposal, at 22 (post-wedding breakup). It’s tapered off since then. What-if, what-if. See #11.

52. I grew up in white suburbia. There was one black girl in my class in grade school and one Indian guy. The spectrum grew much more multicultural in high school, but the bulk of the school was very white, very white-collar. Yet oddly enough, it was this environment where students’ bi-racial relationships were accepted. People tell me this is strange, especially considering the type of town where we lived.

53. However, my parents’ idea of a mixed marriage is a Methodist and a Catholic.

54. I’ll marry whoever the heck I want, thank you very much. Someone will have to ask me again. See #51.

55. My family is religious but I’m not especially so.

56. I was raised in the United Methodist church.

57. When I give to charities, it’s either for education or animal rescue.

58. I buy cheap fabric and make blankets for the cats at the local rescue where I got my kitty. Otherwise all they have to cuddle are towels, and their lives are sad enough.

59. I really have no problem with people being gay.

60. One of my old high school boyfriends is gay now. Good for him.

61. Between my junior year of high school and my junior year of college, 15 people from my high school died in car accidents.

62. I developed an unhealthy preoccupation with wondering about how and when I’d die. To some extent, it remains.

63. I always buckle up. And you will always buckle up in my car. I don’t care how fat you are.

64. I proudly sport a “City” sticker on the Jeep, even though God knows I’d never send my kids (you know, the ones I don’t have) to the public schools in this town. I just hope my taxes will eventually give the districts money to get those schools back to accredited status eventually. In the meantime, let’s all be Catholic!

65. I climbed the highest mountain in Colorado when I was 21. Mount Elbert is only about 60 feet shorter than Mt. Whitney, which makes it the 2nd highest in the continental US.

66. I want to be by mountains. This is why I’d like to move to Denver or thereabouts (see #42).

67. I have a good friend in Houston and it’s got good weather for Jeep top-off a lot.

68. This is why I’d like to move to Houston (see #42).

69. Kristy (of “She Just Walks Around With It”) inspires me with her story of moving away and starting over in a new city.

70. He estudiado espanol por cinco anos y no recuerdo nada. (I also cannot figure out how to get tildes to show up on this machine.)

71. But I was granted an intermediate Spanish proficiency at university.

72. I love my Frye boots. I wear them with my camo miniskirt when I go to country concerts. Giddyup!

73. I still call the big amphitheater “Riverport,” even though it’s belonged to a hundred corporations in the last 10 years.

74. I hate wearing shorts. Give me a skirt any day. Even at the gym (where I rarely go), I wear one of those tennis skirts with shorts underneath the skirt part.

75. Before I went back to finish college, I qualified for the Navy cryptography program and seriously considered enlisting. But then, who would take care of cat? So back to school I went.

76. I don’t like the Iraq war wars in general, but I support the troops because they have the courage to do what most of us don’t.

77. I wore a yellow ribbon pin and a desert-camo scrub cap at work the whole time my then-boyfriend was deployed… it seemed like the right thing to do for him and I know it made him feel good. So did my “Sexually Deprived For Your Freedom” t-shirt.

78. I don’t like magnetic ribbons though. Except the one I saw that said “I support magnetic ribbons.” I do want to get my paws on that one.

79. I have no depth perception and as a result am horrible at most sports.

80. I like going to sporting events, but I really don’t care if my hometown team wins or loses. Some people let a loss ruin their day/week/month/year (especially in this sports-obsessed town). Me, I just look at it and say “Well, that was fun. And we all still have to go to work in the morning.”

81. I didn’t vote in my primary because I was watching TV and I forgot. I won’t pretend to know anything about politics or foreign policy and how to save the economy. There should be a primer for irresponsible citizens like me.

82. I’m not even following the news on the primaries because there’s nothing I (or anyone in this glorious state) can do about any of it now anyway. When there’s a candidate, I’ll think about it a little more. I didn’t like Hillary anyway.

83. I own a first edition of The DaVinci Code. It’s my retirement investment.

84. I love used-book stores. I found a first edition of The Brothers Ashkenazi in one and, since I was on vacation and had almost run out of money, did not spend $30 on it. I regret that.

85. My favorite author is Bill Bryson, followed at a close second by Nick Hornby and possibly Jasper Fforde. Other favorites include Jeffrey Eugenides, Janet Fitch, Dave Eggers, Phillippa Gregory, Alison Weir, and Chuck Klostermann.

86. I love biographies – preferably of actors (Shirley Temple’s Child Star is amazing) and royals as opposed to politicians, but John McCain’s first book, Faith of My Fathers is more war memoir than politico, so it’s quite good. His second book, Worth the Fighting For, is about his political career and I’ve had that one for 2 years and not been able to finish it.

87. I knew how to read going into kindergarten and was onto small novels in first grade.

88. I was an art major in college for awhile before I transferred. My studio emphasis was fibers.

89. I played piano, trumpet, French horn and mellophone across the course of my musical career.

90. My favorite artists now are Jason Mraz, John Mayer, Sugarland, Carrie Underwood, Jo Dee Messina, Toby Keith, Sara Evans, The Wreckers, Daughtry, Little Big Town, and probably a million others.

91. I love me some karaoke!

92. My best karaoke songs include “Baby Girl” by Sugarland, “Suds in the Bucket” by Sara Evans, “Redneck Woman” by Gretchen Wilson, and “Bye Bye Love” or “I’m Alright” by Jo Dee Messina.

93. I tend to take things way too personally.

94. I’m verbally vicious when I fight. And no matter how much I’ve wanted to, I’ve never hit anyone.

95. I HAVE to sleep on a big argument.

96. Every time I fight with a boyfriend I think he’s going to dump me. I’m bad at recognizing the things that are just bumps in the road, and so I end up needlessly freaking out.

97. I’ll admit that I’m afraid of being alone. I want to find that right guy and probably have a family. Call that a goal. And aren’t we all of afraid of not reaching our goals?

98. Someone said that made me sound very self-aware.

99. Even my shrink believes me.

100. And after ten rounds of Jose Cuervo, I lost count and started countin’ again. See #8, #9 and #10.